A LONG SLOW GOODBYE TIDBITS AND NUGGETS Another rat abandons ship and another cockroach crawls aboard. This wouldn't have anything to do with Secretary Snow's part in the failed attempt to sell of American ports facilities to terrorist-connected Mideast nations, would it? Nah... didn't think so. Here's yet another disturbing 9/11 truth movement video. It's one of the better ones I've seen lately. What's this? Russia equipping Iran with anti-aircraft weaponry? The director of the UN's IAEA (International Atomic Energy Association) says that the United States and other nuclear powers can't expect countries like Iran to abstain from developing their nuclear capabilities while simultaneously failing to live up to their own scale-back goals when it comes to nuclear weapons. Then again, what else would you expect from a guy named Mohammed? We've known that the White House has been illegally producing propaganda targetting Americans and getting that same propaganda broadcast on American airwaves for YEARS now. So why the sudden surge of interest? Could it have anything to do with Dubya's shitty approval ratings making this a topic that is now politically correct to tackle? When I saw this headline: "Theives Steal Data from 26,500,000 Vets", I thought to myself: "Jesus Fucking Nailholes!!! Are there even that many pets in America?!" Then I read the story and felt like an idiot. And, in the midst of all this crap, two bits of good news for us psychonauts! Hallucinogenic drugs are making a comeback, and marijuana smoke doesn't cause cancer! Huzzah! Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: jerkyleboeuf@gmail.com

ON THIS DAY May 29 On this day in 1919, physicist Arthur Eddington is able to confirm Albert Einstein's theory that light bends, when he finds a Catholic priest who watches altar boys change clothes from around two blind corners. Also on this day, in 1978, former Hogan's Heroes and World's Filthiest Home Videos star Bob Crane was... um... well, somebody caved in his skull with a camera tripod or something, see... but at the time, the cops decided it was one of those cases that was best left unsolved. And so it remains, to this very day. Also on this day, in 1900, the Otis Elevator Company registers the trademark for their latest invention, the Escalator, ushering in a bold new era of laziness and morbid obesity. On this day in 1942, Bing Crosby records White Christmas, which will eventually go on to become the greatest selling record of all time. Afterwards, der Bingle goes home, takes off his belt, and plants the seeds of suicide in his underachieving sons by mercilessly beating them until they're bloody and screaming.

THEY SAID IT! "Imagine: you are a foot soldier in a paramilitary group whose purpose is to remake America as a Christian theocracy, and establish its worldly vision of the dominion of Christ over all aspects of life. You are issued high-tech military weaponry, and instructed to engage the infidel on the streets of New York City. You are on a mission -- both a religious mission and a military mission -- to convert or kill Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Buddhists, gays, and anyone who advocates the separation of church and state -- especially moderate, mainstream Christians. Your mission is 'to conduct physical and spiritual warfare'; all who resist must be taken out with extreme prejudice. You have never felt so powerful, so driven by a purpose: you are 13 years old. You are playing a real-time strategy video game whose creators are linked to the empire of mega-church pastor Rick Warren, best selling author of The Purpose Driven Life." - This is just un-fuck-ingbelievable... *** **** *** "How is an IT manager to feel when they learn that in every copy of Windows sold, Microsoft has installed a 'back door' for the NSA -- making it orders of magnitude easier for the U.S. government to access your computer?" - A careless mistake by Microsoft programmers has shown that special access codes for use by the National Security Agency (NSA) have been secretly built into all versions of the Windows operating system.

JOKES! Today's first joke was sent in by Ben! A man is sitting at a bar when another guys walks up and smashes a chair over his head. The man screams, "What the hell is wrong with you?! Are you joking or are you serious with that shit?!" So the guy says, "I'm dead serious." And the man responds "Good, because I hate jokes like that!" *** *** *** Thanks to our old pal Dave on Dope for sending in today's second joke. A bus carrying only ugly people crashes into an oncoming truck, and everyone inside dies. They then get to meet Their Maker, and because of the grief they have experienced, He decides to grant them one wish each, before they enter Paradise. They're all lined up, and God asks the first one what the wish is. "I want to be gorgeous," and so God snaps His fingers, and it is done. The second one in line hears this and says "I want to be gorgeous too." Another snap of His fingers and the wish is granted. This goes on for a while, but when God is halfway down the line, the last guy in line, Pauly, starts laughing. When there are only ten people left, Pauly is rolling on the floor, laughing like crazy. Finally, God reaches Pauly and asks him what his wish will be. He finally calms down and says: "Make 'em all ugly again." WORST JOKE OF THE DAY Today's groaner was sent in by Brummbaer... In democracy it's your vote that counts. In feudalism, it's your count that votes.

READER'S SOAPBOX! Got a gripe? Pet peeve? Have your say in the Daily Dirt! Columns can pretty much be about anything, as long they meet the following criteria: 1) don't write shit that'll get us in trouble. 2) Keep it interesting. 3) Keep it short. 4) We don't edit your mistakes. Oh yeah! feel free to send a picture of yourself if you want. TOPIC: MARINES ACCUSED OF MASSACRES care of: P. Wiggen Okay, Listen... There's about to be some shit come down on the heads of the USMarines. The Marines have killed large numbers of people in various horrific manners in iraq and Afghanistan. They did it. No one (that I have heard of) is denying this and I don't doubt it. Marines are trained, twenty four hours a day for three months, to kill people. And, for the most part, they are really good at it. Most are not so exceptional as to be force recon or any of the other ultra highly trained groups, but they are very good at it. Every Marine is trained to kill and is tested in that training in order to maintain abilities. Every one. The lowliest cook can fire his weapon at the same level as the lowliest infantry man. What has happened in these situations is that the Marines are being deployed in situations which their training makes them unfit for. They are being deployed in police action, peace keeping, special rules of engement situations. This is not what Marines do, it is not what they are trained for, it is not what they are good at. And it puts them in places which they can not work at their best. One of the situations, as I understand it, is that a group of guerrilla fighters attacked a Marine patrol. They killed at least one member. The Marines, having the rule of engagement of "supress guerrilla action", and having lost members of their unit, executed that order. They entered into a village which was considered the base of the attack, they killed everyone who could be a guerrilla. This is what you want the Marines to do when they are sent into a hot area. You want them to not attack, but when they are attacked you want them to eliminate every last person who stands in opposition to whatever the Marines are supporting. And don't start whining about "women and children", especially if you haven't seen "Apocalypse Now". Anyone who can hold a gun is a possible guerilla warrior, that is why they are so effective, because you can't know who is and who isn't. So yes, the Marines went into a town and killed an assload of people many of whom were not involved in killing anyone. But now, pretending that this action is wrong is just stupid. The Marines are not in the wrong, they acted as their training dictates and as logic and experience have proven effective. The wrong here is within the politicos who put the Marines into this situation and told them to do this job which they are not prepared for. The military needs to be reconfigured, now. There is a need to an advance, killer, fast force. There is a need for Marines. But there is also, now that the US is involved in nation building and also just as a general peace keeper concept, for a force trained to deal with people and work in the "keep people happy and help them fix things" mode. This would entail a large group of people who can build things and fix things which already exist, things like power stations and waterworks, things like phones and hosptials. There used to be a group in the military that did jobs like that, not exceptionally well, but they did it. They were called the "Army corps of engeniers" but they have a very poor track record because they have never been fully supported and are poorly funded and such. - P. Wiggen [A lot of what you assume to be true is NOT true. And remember, when you ASSUME, you make excuses for a bunch of murderous assholes. The terrible truth is that there have been dozens of My Lai level atrocities in Iraq since Dubya's illegal businessman's war-of-first-resort began. - Jerky] FIRST AMENDMENT ZONE / ASK JERKY! My Old Pal Jerky – That was one hell of a bloated and pompous Top 13 list. Mightn’t you have chosen any you can dance to, or sing in the shower? I mean, it is rock ‘n’ roll, not medievalist fantasy soundtrack. Where are the cars, where are the girls, where are the good times rollin’? I’ll grant you Miserlou – even though it’s a Greek inflection, the message is cowabunga, hang 10. But the others are so ponderous, so leaden, so unlikely to motivate one’s backside toward shaking itself… just off the top of my head, I respond with a completely random baker’s dozen that would actually prompt one to smile and shimmy and not think too hard. It’s rock ‘n’ roll, mate – best not to ignore the shallow end of the pool, which ain’t a deep one in the first place. 13) Whammy – Duane Eddy 12) Don’t Bother Me – The Beatles 11) All Night Long – Sam Cooke 10) Barefootin’ -- Wilson Pickett 9) Memphis – Lonnie Mack 8) Rocket 88 – Ike Turner 7) Foggy Mountain Breakdown – Doc Watson 6) She’s Got Everything – The Kinks 5) What Is Hip? – Tower of Power 4) Sixteen Tons – Tennessee Ernie Ford 3) Something Else – Eddie Cochran 2) Shakin’ All Over – The Pirates 1) Here I Am – Al Green [Charlie don't surf, and Jerky don't dance. As for your list, well... les goûts ne se discutent pas. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hey Jerky; It is getting pretty lame. Nan or Ben [I agree. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; Mr. Gonzales has been quite diligent in pursuing investigations against the only Democrat in Congress accused of fraud and bribe-taking, raiding his office while ignoring those of the five Republicans accused in the same scandal. He was also marvelously quick to prosecute the New York Times for informing America of the illegal wiretaps. The wiretappers themselves, like terrorists, are a bit too tough a case for the poor lad, however. ACD [Typical. - Jerky] *** **** *** Hi, Jerkster; I agree with Rick 100%. I was a jet engine mechanic in the Air Force and I assure you there are parts (like turbine wheel blades) that nothing short of a pulse cutter could destroy. Isn't it amazing? In the entire history of powered flight, only 3 airplanes have ever crashed and were totally destroyed and all the same day. The 2 that hit the twin towers and the one that hit the Pentagon. Add a very suspicious 4th. Witnesses to the Pennsylvania crash were amazed that there was no wreckage until after the Feds arrived and started finding some. In fact, witnesses said they doubted if a plane even crashed there at all. It was more like a buried bomb was detonated; all the explosion went straight up, leaving an empty hole in the ground. Another thing that's amazing is that they can get anybody to believe that bullshit. The PTB would have been better off if they had said, "We know it was the Muslims but we haven't figured out how they did it." YOP Kenny "B" [They fucked themselves when they fucked us all. - Jerky] *** **** *** Does anybody see a bit of hypocrisy in the various "Free Enterprise" groups screaming about the proposed increase in the minimum wage justifying their objections by noting black teen unemployment? Black teen unemployment is running at over 30 percent, compared to 10 percent among white youth. The rabid right claims that an increase in the minimum wage will exacerbate the problem. History proves just the opposite, but why bother with facts? But what kills me is these very same "institutes" and "policy centers" all came into being in the wake of the civil rights movement, and their clarion call for decades is that it's not fair to make us hire black folk. Their very raison d'etre has always been to deny employment to blacks, and now they are using black unemployment as justification for slave wages. Breathtaking. ACD [Yup. - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; If you would like to keep the United Nations and our government from running the Internet, please go to this site and send a message to your Congressman or woman, etc. David A [Dave, you've been had. Net Neutrality is a GOOD thing. It's what we want. It's what's right. And they're urging you to fight against it by tricking you into doing the exact opposite of what you THINK you're doing. That website is a tool of Verizon, AT$T and other telecom giants to prevent the government from preventing them from trying to control what sites you can and cannot access on the Internet, and at what speeds you would be able to load certain sites (depending on how much the site owner pays them, of course). Kinda makes you sick, don't it? - Jerky] *** **** *** Jerky; I was walking past a row of TVs at a local retailer and they had Faux News on and the headline of the story that they were talking about caused me to need to pick my jaw up off the floor. "Is Afghanistan being ungrateful to the US?" We bombed the living daylights out of it to the point where their infrastruction was totally destroyed, and Faux News was to know why they aren't grateful?! The only logic I can assume is they should be grateful that we set up a "democratic" goverment, but how conforting is that to the general populace, truly? "The US bombs killed my wife and children, but they have allowed me the glorious chance to vote for which corrupt leaders I want to live under. I am so grateful!" -- Demosthenes [It's nuts man. What can you say? - Jerky]

Send all Jokes, Letters and other stuff to Jerky: feedback@dailydirt.com